There’s lots of talk about self-love these days – so much that some people find it reaching the point of being selfish. Loving and being compassionate toward yourself is in no way selfish as long as it comes from the real and pure place, not from your ego. In fact, by loving ourselves we can shine our light and bring good to this world.
I recently made a post on a few Facebook support groups for people with IBD or an ostomy, to tell about a new iron supplement I had started to use. Surprisingly, my post provoked plenty of unfriendly comments. It made me realise that not very long ago that would’ve really upset me. I would’ve felt personally attacked and maybe ashamed, beginning to wonder if it was stupid of me to use that kind of a supplement from a natural health store. Probably, I would’ve told myself that the comments didn’t matter whilst feeling quite upset and hoping I had never written the post.
Nowadays, I really don’t mind being judged by other people that much. I notice when the opinions of other people are making me feel bad about myself and quickly put an end to it. Ultimately though, it’s not other people who make me feel unworthy – I am the harshest judge of myself. When I’m all lost in negative self-talk, I do my best to replace it with kindness, love and compassion. Here are a few ideas that help me in cultivating self-love:
If you can’t love yourself for your own sake, do it for the polar bears
Yes, choose self-love for the sake of the polar bears. Let me explain.
Think about your thoughts on yourself as a part of the collective mindset or energy of the world / humankind. If you feel unworthy, not good enough, fearful and ashamed of yourself, that’s exactly what you put out there in the universe: fear and unworthiness. If you, however, have peaceful, loving and honouring thoughts and feelings towards yourself, you spread love and acceptance all around. In one of my previous posts, I wrote about how your fear and also your peace affect other people. Read it here.
What about those polar bears then? About a year ago, I saw a video shared by National Geographic. In the video, a starving polar bear wobbles on iceless land. It’s starving because of the climate warming – as sea ice melts polar bears don’t have access to seals anymore. The video broke my heart and I felt an even stronger urge to help our planet and animals.
The way to fight for a better future, is not through fear, anger and anxiety. These are feelings of separateness but what the world really needs, is us to work together, in a loving unity. So if I feel unworthy and not good enough, and for some reason can’t replace that with self-love, I think about the polar bears. To help those polar bears, and the planet, I need to stop drowning myself in destructive thoughts, and instead treat myself with gentleness and acceptance.
Life’s not that serious
I already knew this when I was a teenager. If I felt I made a fool of myself, let’s say by wearing wrong type of clothes or saying something awkward in class so that other kids laughed at me, I knew I was the only one who was going to remember that kind of a “mistake” later. I couldn’t remember all those times my classmates had accidentally done something “embarrassing” although they probably could remember that themselves. One time I dropped a shopping bag so that all my groceries spread in the middle of the street. That time too I thought, “I’m the only one who really cares about this. People might give me one look but then they will carry on with their busy lives.” So even though I was feeling a bit awkward, I started laughing at the funny situation.
The feeling of upset is a good hint that you might be taking life too seriously. In this Facebook case of mine, I could’ve taken the comments a bit too seriously and become upset. But instead, I could simply notice that the whole thing wasn’t very serious. I could even smile at the madness of us human beings and all the ego talk that happens on social media: needing to prove our superiority to other people, yet so easily feeling inferior which all in all means separating ourselves from others. How come that we don’t know how to live together as brothers and sisters, supporting each other?
We’re all in the same boat
Indeed, I see other people as my brothers and sisters. As one of my poems begins:
When I meet you my sister
I reach out my arms
to take your hands in mine
smiling
and no words are needed
True love and joy don’t come from being separate from other people. They come from feeling one with others and nature, this world… If I feel superior or inferior to other people, I know they’re feelings of my ego. If I see people acting as better or worse than others, I know it’s their ego acting out. And because the life of an ego really is empty, I feel compassion both toward myself and other people. After all, we are all navigating through life with the same kind of internal challenges. When I see people, including myself, struggling with all feelings of fear, shame and separateness, I recognise it as a universal phenomenon and treat it with love and kindness.
With love,
Iiris Linnea
